I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
