A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
