yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
