"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
