Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
this hospital has no fireball
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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