I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
