Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
