i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
