note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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