Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
