I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
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