you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
