That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
