wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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