I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
