Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
