she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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