so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
