I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
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