how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
it's great music for shaving your balls
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
