Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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