im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
