dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
