that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
