i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
