u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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