i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
