so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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