You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
