mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
