it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
