It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
