my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
