do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
