Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
