It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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