Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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