she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Sext me about skeletons
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
