why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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