I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
