I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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