Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
