I'm sorry my penis didn't work
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
