I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
