i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
