At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
