Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
