Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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