its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
