I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
