bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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