it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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