It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
