i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
