shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
