when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
