I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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