Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
