i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
