i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
